2nd July 2010
It’s July 2010 as I write this, and meditation has been part of my life for 26 years, that’s half my life.
At the age of 26, I experienced a total change of lifestyle and attitude… and needed to! I was at the top of my profession, and yet I was in crisis. The personal crisis had many levels. I was very lost and feeling consistently angry. The main problem was a meltdown internally; an identity crisis. I felt very unsure of myself and insecure about my future. An underlying frustration and impatience was near constant. I really didn’t know who I was! Regardless of the many achievements in my music career, I was discontent, frightened, and quite often had a disquieting empty feeling. It was like I was spiraling rapidly downwards.
I am happy to say that meditation turned my life around.
It all began suddenly, when a friend came to visit. We’d been in rock bands together, and at times we’d indulged in behaviour that was a little on the wild side. Our conversation turned to deep matters of spirit and meditation. I was absorbed in what he had to say, and was enthusiastic to taste this peace he had found. I took up his invitation to visit a meditation centre there and then! What ensued was to totally change my life, from the inside out.
The people at the meditation centre were vibrant and friendly, and dressed in white. What touched me most was the vibration of peace in the place and gentle friendliness of the people. The energy was exactly what I was looking for.
I sat with one of the meditation teachers for some time, bombarding him with many questions and receiving clear and simple answers to everything I asked. What a relief after years of pouring through heavy philosophical texts trying to find my answers. At the end of the session it was time for my first taste of meditation. For me, that day, the inner peace I experienced was immediate and beautiful.
The meditation consisted of listening to a guided commentary, with gentle music. It was an open-eyed meditation and I was invited to let my gaze rest on the foreheard, or 3rd eye region, of the teacher.
We sat opposite each other, and though staring intently at a stranger might have been embarrassing, I felt no such feeling. Instead, I felt myself instantly immersed in a feeling of incredible peace, and it was as if the teacher in front of me was surrounded by a soft golden light. Very beautiful, very comforting. For hours after that meditation the feeling remained with me, and I thought to myself “This is what I have been searching for, I’m home.”
Those simple insights offered by the gentle man in white, followed by the meditation, had a profound affect on me that day. Profound enough to make me keep coming back for more. Profound enough to make me look at my life and make some big changes. Looking back on that day now, it certainly was a turning point. I feel as if my life pivots around that moment. Before, it was night, now it’s the day.
There are so many ways to describe the difference meditation has made in my life. Today I will describe it like this. Meditation has enabled me to discover my real self. To find myself, when I was feeling lost and disconnected. It’s been a journey since that day. A journey of learning, growing and letting go. A journey of daily meditation practice. A journey of self-reflection. So began the journey. Perhaps I was already on the journey and I had been given gifts and treasures that day to make it more easy and enjoyable.
From the downwards slide, I was on the way up.
If you want to find out more about the meditation and philosophy I study, feel free to visit www.bkwsu.org/